221st Reflection💬

“Your horse’s dead, scared❓”

Scared. But if I get down to the ground and follow the Lord, I can still move forward.

……

26/03/2020 (Sat) 14:00 Home

Class ended.

Student said, “Yip Sir.”

I said, “Yes.”

Student said, “I’d like to show you an app.”

I said, “OK.”

Student said, “This is an English-learning app.”

I said, “Um…”

Student said, “There is a new English passage released every day.”

I said, “Um…”

Student said, “There are explanations for vocabulary and grammar.”

I said, “Um…”

Student said, “There are audio that read the text as well.”

I said, “Um…”

Student said, “Isn’t it powerful?”

I said, “Yes, it is.”

Student said, “let me take you a picture. You may download to have a try.”

I said, “Thank you.”

The student left.

…….

Another me said, “Your student’s finally gone.”

I said, “What’s wrong? You’re scared, aren’t you?”

Another me said, “How do you know? I’ve never told I’m scared!”

I said, “Nothing can you hide from me, can you? What did you think about? Tell me.”

Another me said, “I thought….the app isn’t that powerful at all.”

I said, “It’s powerful, so powerful that you turned scared.”

Another me said, “What do I have to get scared about?”

I said, “You’re scared the app is smarter than you are. Then, your student no longer need you and you’ll turn out of work.”

Another me said, “What is so scary about being out of work?”

I said, “No money is scary. With no money, you can’t hardly go on with what you are doing. Isn’t it scary enough?”

Another me said, “I’m so scared.”

I said, “But you don’t have to be that scared.”

Another me said, “Are you kidding me? You just scared me to death a while ago but you asked me not to be that scared a while later.”

I said, “For what are you so scared? Find another if you are no longer needed here.”

Another me said, “The app is so powerful. Where else am I needed for teaching English?”

I said, “Then do music. You are learning it right now.”

Another me said, “It’s just been a little more than a year ago since I started learning music. I’m far from living on it. Instead, I’m spending a lot there. If I am out of work, I won’t be able to go on with my music learning.”

I said, “Then, be a caretaker. Many vacancies around. You’ll find one everywhere if you want.”

Another me said, “Caretaker? Do you know how much is paid and how long the work is?”

I said, “Scared of the low hourly rate?

Another me said, “Do you know how many patients a caretaker has to nurse? What’s more, do you know what the job of a caretaker is all about?”

I said, “Scared of hard work?”

Another me said, “I’m a college lecturer. Are you asking me to be a caretaker?”

I said, “Scared of losing face?”

Another me said, “No, anyway."

I said, “Your horse’s dead and you have to get down to the ground. By the time you’ve got no saving, you’ll be left no room to say no.”

Another me said, “Alas.”

I said, “Why are you so scared, frankly?”

Another me said, “You have never lost your job before, have you?”

I said, “Lost your job, you have. Before your music studies, you lost your teaching job in HKBU that you had been doing for 10 years.”

Another me said, “You have never been unemployed, have you?”

I said, “Unemployed, you have been too. The year you graduated from HKIED, you fell unemployed. You’re lying on your bed for as long as a year.”

Another me said, “You have never spent all your savings, have you?”

I said, “Spent all your savings, you have as well. During the year you were unemployed, you spent all you earned. Your savings dropped all the way down to none. You even got credit card loans. But you’re now still fine here.”

Another me said, “You made a point. Why can I be still fine here?”

I said, “It’s not the time. The Lord hasn’t called you back to heaven.”

Another me said, “Can you reframe what you mean in a more encouraging way?”

I said, “It’s when you spent all you had that you committed yourself to Jesus. Since then, you’re getting your head clearer and clearer. You realised your horse’s dead and you have to get down to the ground, follow the Lord in your every step and now you’re even heading so far towards music.”

Another me said, “You’re right. I’ve experienced all these. But why on earth was I still so scared?”

I said, “You may be scared, I guess, of getting down to the ground and walk with the Lord when your horse’s dead once again.”