258th Reflection💬

“Growth, when to kick off❓”

When I am exposing myself and changing myself.

…….

13/12/2022 (Tue) 12:15

LMusTCL Class

Teacher said, “Is your application for HKAPA done?”

I said, “Done.”

Teacher said, “Let’s move on to LMusTCL.”

I said, “Sure.”

Teacher said, “What have you done this week?”

I said, “Orchestration.”

Teacher said, “OK.”

I said, “Actually, I don’t really know how to do it. But I just spend hours completing it.”

Teacher said, “This is the right attitude. This is how you can make improvement in your composition.”

I said, “Huh?”

Teacher said, “It’s only when I can see your mistakes can I decide on the most effective way to teach you.”

I said, “Um.”

Teacher said, “It’s common when students come across a little difficulty, they stop thinking - lazy; or they stop trying - in fear of mistakes. They keep delaying until the next time they see me, they hand me back the question I gave them. It’s impossible for one with such an attitude to learn composition well.”

I said, “Um.”

Teacher said, “Alright, let me see your orchestration.”

I said, “Um.”

I opened my full score.

Teacher said, “Wow, quite a number of mistakes.”

I said, “Haha, please show me my mistakes. I’ll make corrections one by one.”

…….

I said, “There are some reflective question in the zoom Bible study. Have you ever answered any?”

Another me said, “None, of course.”

I said, “Why?”

Another me said, “What if I’ve given a wrong answer?”

I said, “Admit it and make correction.”

Another me said, “Well……frankly, sometimes, I’m running out of ideas”

I said, “You ignored my question……if you’re running out of ideas, think about it.”

Another me said, “No, I don’t want to think. It’s just tiring.”

I said, “How lazy! Return to the pigsty and wait for the slaughter.”

Another me said, “Even if I make a try, I can sometimes come up with nothing in the end.”

I said, “Then you simply tell you can come up with nothing at the moment.”

Another me said, “No, I’d rather wait.”

I said, “Until what time?”

Another me said, “Until someone has given a correct answer. Then, I don’t have to give mine. If I am asked face-to-face to give an answer, I can simply copy it. Then I can save myself from my mistakes. It saves time and effort as well.”

I said, “You trash. If you do it this way, you can never know how your true self looks like! How can you grow?”

Another me said, “If I say whatever comes to my mind, then sooner or later, the whole world will know I am a Christian far from maturity, as experienced as I may seem, having pronounced my faith 10 years ago, though.”

I said, “If you, in fact, are far from maturity, or in short naive, you get to admit it.”

Another me said, “It’s neither my style nor who I am to expose myself in such a way that show little concern about losing face.”

I said, “If it isn’t your style and who you have been, it is great.”

Another me said, “Great? I’m not like that. I’m no longer living out who I am if I give up saving face, exposing myself in front of the public, and answer the questions right away.”

I said, “Why are you hold tight the one that has been preventing you from growth, in short, the old self? Doesn’t the Lord command us to give it up? You don’t follow the Lord, do you?”

Another me said, “I…myself…”

I said, “Fine, if you don’t take His way, get out of my way. I get to do orchestration, now.”