YipWH's Testimony 2012 - "Dad is back"

I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour now at the age of 28. It is not too late for one in a non-Christian family, is it? I didn’t know. But I knew I had a heart too hardened to accept Jesus, my Lord even though I was visited by him for 22 years.

I had blocked myself from my heavenly father since my father left my family about 15 years ago. My parents did not share very different views on their lives. My mother wanted to construct a secure family with money while my father wanted to pursue his business dream. They got separated in the end. I couldn’t understand and I blamed myself. I tried hard not to do anything wrong. I wanted to hold the broken family. I built walls around to protect myself. I found it particularly scary to connect on my own with our heavenly father.

Jesus was blurred by my fears. He was never real. He was just a human-like figure with brown beard, a white robe, and a magic wand in the picture. He was no more than a story character, a school subject, a religious leader, or a magician. He was not where I thought I should go. I rejected him in front of my classmates, friends, colleagues, family, and even strangers. I never came back to the church again after any Christmas parties. I considered it foolish to read the Bible. I denied having attended any church services. I worshipped many idols.  I declared I would never believe in Jesus, unless I was shown miracles in the Bible.

But Jesus never gave up. He chased after me no matter how I ignored, rejected or betrayed him. He opened my hardened heart through my father. He brought him back to my family. He gave my father patience and endurance. When my relatives laughed at him, he didn’t talk back. When my mother ignored him, he kept staying with her. If I didn’t speak to him one day, he re-visited me another.  But I never turned to God despite all of this.

God finally dissolved my hardened heart with my father’s tears. He gave my father courage. One day during breakfast in a restaurant, my father cried and apologized for leaving us, for not taking care of us. He shared in tears with me how he was cheated by his business partners, how long he desperately wanted to return home, and how much he missed my mother, my sister and me. I couldn’t believe he would have apologized in this way. I listened and kept silent. I cried realizing all of a sudden that God had my father back.  I thanked God, I repented, and I asked God to remove all my sins, take control over me and be my Savior.

I have finally started my spiritual journey. I need to ask God to forgive me for my sins of rejection, betrayal, ignorance, cowardice, greed, impatience, stubbornness, self-centeredness, and most terrible of all, my desire to be God.  I will try hard to work with God in making me more like Jesus’ character for my remaining life.